Tuesday, May 6, 2008

WFMW: What NOT to Soak Your Contacts In!

This week's Works For me Wednesday theme is "What DIDN'T Work For Me." Enjoy!

Once when I was visiting my friend Wendy, I had to stay
overnight at her house unexpectedly because I had a horrible headache and was unable to make the hour and fifteen minute drive home. I didn't have anything with me for soaking my contact lenses, which were not the kind that could be slept in. (Nowadays, I use the kind you can wear for a solid month - I LOVE them!!!) No one at my friend's house wore contacts, and being a poor college student, I didn't go out to buy anything.

My friend gave me a couple of drinking glasses to hold my contacts and suggested that I simply soak them in water.

"Oh, no, no, no," I said. "That wouldn't be
sterile."

Enter mysterious, foreboding music.

"Hmmmm . . . eye drops are sterile. Got anything like that?" I asked. They provided a bottle of Murine. I happily squirted a bit into each glass, plopped in my contacts, and went to bed.

The next morning - after a restless night thanks to a hyperactive hamster and his squeaky exercise wheel - I put my contacts back in. My eyes stung a little, but that had happened before when I had to put a contact back in without rinsing or cleaning, so I didn't think much of it.

Fifteen minutes later, in the middle of the morning rush hour on a busy interstate, my eyes were on
fire. One was unable to open due to the pain. The other was half shut and tears were pouring out of it, making everything a blur. I couldn't go back to my friend's house, as everyone had already left for the day, and I didn't know anyone else in this city. Of course, this was also in the Dark Ages before cell phones.

It was the longest drive of my life. I kept thinking, When I can just get these things out of my eyes, I'll be fine! I made it back to my dorm, ran to my room, and swiftly plucked out my contacts. I closed my eyes, expecting blessed relief.


S-C-R-A-A-A-A-P-E!

Imagine that an evil plastic surgeon removed your eyelids and replaced them with 80 grit sandpaper, with the rough side facing your eyeballs. This
almost approximates what my eyes felt like every time I blinked.

I ended having my friend Junior take me to Urgent Care, where they said that I had irritated my corneas or something. They numbed my eyes (with drops, thank goodness!) and rubbed some kind of ointment on my eyeballs.

That was an experience, watching a gloved finger with a glob of goo come straight for my eye. It was like something out of The Twilight Zone. They bandaged my eyes, gave me a prescription for something with Codeine in it, then brought Junior from the waiting room to lead me out.

"Bwaaaaaaaaah-ha-ha-ha-ha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You look like a bug!!!!!"

Junior has never been known for subtlety. Or tact.

By the time he got me back to my dorm room, Wendy was there with Suzanne, my roommate. The Codeine had kicked in, and I was feelin' mighty fine! I became their entertainment for the afternoon.

First, they took me to the park with them and had a ball leading me down the twirly slide. I'm sure it was a sight! Here I was, looking like an albino fly, laughing hysterically as I slid down over and over. (I'm sure the playground was cleared of children moments after my arrival.)

I tried playing Frisbee with them by randomly slapping my outstreched arms together "alligator style."

I didn't catch anything.

Next, they drove me to each of my professors' houses, parading me around while I giggled, "I'm on Codeine!"

The next day, my eyes were just fine, although I can't say much for my dignity. I have to say, I never left home without saline solution again!

Speaking of what doesn't work for me, as you can see from this post Blogger has a mind of its own and is always changing my font size! When I try to edit and fix this, it looks fine in the editing box but when I click "Publish Post" it goes back to the wrong size again!
Anyone know how to fix this?

Here are my previous WFMW posts:

Broken Glass Cleanup
Cheap Rolling Cart for Conventions
Chocolate Recipes
Tooth-Tugging Tip for Terrified Tots
Handy Earache Relief
Uses for Leftover Bread
Leaky Diaper/Pull-up Fix
Snack Mix Recipe (at the end of the post)
Awesome Stain Recipe
(at the end of the post)
"Fun"damentals of Family Life
Removing Wite-Out from Everything
When NOT to Save Money
Public Service Announcement

For more WFMW tips, stop by Shannon's blog.



7 comments:

Angie said...

Great post! I laughed, I cringed, I held my breath -- it was a full experience. ;)

Domestic Spaz said...

That was hilarious! I'm so glad I got LASIK and don't have to deal with contact woes any longer. The image of you being lead to the twirly slide with bandaged eyes, giggling from codeine is priceless. Simply priceless.

Awesome Mom said...

ROFL!!!! That was hilarious. I am glad that no permanent injury was done to your eyes.

ames said...

Oh my gosh, you poor thing!! Thankfully I haven't had too much trouble with my contacts but I had a friend in high school whose contacts sunburned her eyes while we were on a week-long school trip. She was in absolute agony until a nice lady at a rest stop recognized her symptoms and gave her some eye drops.

Eyeball ointment?? Who knew such a thing existed?

franticallysimple said...

Oww! That sounds absolutly horrible (but really funny).
About the font problem. I also experienced that on Blogger. I fixed it by moving to wordpress. :)

Phyllis Sommer said...

omg i was cringing through this whole story. thank goodness there was no lasting damage. about blogger: have you clicked on the html tab and checked if there is extra coding that is creating the fontsize disruption?

Leslie said...

My husband laughed at my face as I was reading your story. Oh my!! Non-contact wearers don't understand the horror of eyeball pain. I'm glad it turned out alright!